I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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