it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
