Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
