The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
