Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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