It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
