Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize