This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
