It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
