My nipple is on Facebook.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
