I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
