You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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