Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
