i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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