Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
