tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
