He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
