I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
