I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
