You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
