I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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