He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize