Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
