Little spoons don't ask big questions
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
