I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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