ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
