I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
