My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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