Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
