I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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