1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
