Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize