you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
