dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There r osticjed everywhere
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize