butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
