you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize