I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
