That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
