U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
