It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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