dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
