I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
