I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
