I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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