I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
