Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
