You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
