I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
