I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize