Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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