I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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