There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
