Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
