I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
