Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
