I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
