So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
