Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
