I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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