Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
