I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
