So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
