I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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