we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
