if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
