The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
