My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
