just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
