I'm really into asian looking animals
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
