please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
