those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
