There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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