how can u be prego again
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
