we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
