Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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