420 ftw
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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