someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
