singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
