Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
