We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
