It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
